The Confidence Vocabulary: Phrases to Use (and Avoid) in Everyday Life

In our daily conversations, the words we choose don't just communicate our thoughts—they shape our mindset and influence how others perceive us. For women seeking to build greater self-confidence, developing awareness of language patterns can be transformative. This guide explores the powerful impact of everyday phrases on our confidence levels and offers practical alternatives to help you communicate with greater authority and self-assurance.

Phrases That Undermine Confidence

1. Apologetic Language

Avoid: "I'm sorry, but I think..."

When we begin statements with apologies, we unintentionally diminish the value of our contributions before we've even made them. This verbal habit signals to others (and reinforces to ourselves) that our thoughts are an imposition or somehow less worthy of consideration.

Use Instead: "I believe..." or simply state your thought directly without the apologetic preface.

2. Minimizing Qualifiers

Avoid: "This might be a stupid question, but..."

Prefacing your questions or comments with self-deprecating qualifiers undermines your credibility and reinforces negative self-perception.

Use Instead: "I have a question about..." or "I'd like clarification on..."

3. Permission-Seeking Language

Avoid: "Would it be okay if I..." or "Do you mind if I..."

While politeness has its place, habitually asking permission in situations where you have equal standing can signal a lack of authority.

Use Instead: "I'm going to..." or "I plan to..."

4. Uncertainty Markers

Avoid: "I'm not sure if this is right, but..." or "I could be wrong, but..."

These phrases create doubt about your competence before you've even shared your contribution.

Use Instead: "Based on my understanding..." or "From my perspective..."

5. Excessive Softeners

Avoid: "I just wanted to check..." or "I kind of feel that..."

Words like "just," "kind of," "sort of," and "a little bit" dilute your message and make your statements sound tentative.

Use Instead: Remove these softeners entirely. Say "I wanted to check..." or "I feel that..."

Confidence-Building Phrases to Adopt

1. Ownership Statements

Use: "I chose to..." or "I decided..."

These phrases acknowledge your agency and demonstrate that you stand behind your choices rather than being passive in your life.

2. Value Declarations

Use: "I bring experience in..." or "My strength is..."

These statements help you articulate your worth without arrogance while ensuring your contributions are recognized.

3. Boundary-Setting Phrases

Use: "That doesn't work for me" or "I need..."

Clear, direct language helps establish healthy boundaries, which are essential for self-respect and confidence.

4. Growth Mindset Language

Use: "I'm developing my skills in..." or "I'm working on improving..."

These phrases acknowledge areas for growth without self-deprecation, embracing the learning journey with confidence.

5. Affirmative Responses

Use: "Yes, and..." instead of "Yes, but..."

Building on others' ideas while adding your perspective fosters collaboration without diminishing either contribution.

Powerful Replacements for Common Undermining Phrases

Instead of Saying	Try Saying
"I'll try to get this done."	"I will complete this by [time/date]."
"I'm not good at..."	"I'm still learning..." or "I'm developing skills in..."
"Does that make sense?"	"What are your thoughts on this?"
"This may be a bad idea..."	"Here's a possibility we could consider..."
"I'm no expert, but..."	"Based on my experience..."
"I can't..."	"I choose not to..." or "I'm prioritizing..."
"I should have..."	"Next time, I will..."
"I hope this is helpful."	"I've provided this information to [specific purpose]."

Navigating Challenging Conversations

Receiving Criticism

Avoid: "I'm so sorry, you're right, I always mess this up."

Use Instead: "Thank you for that feedback. I'll incorporate it going forward."

Disagreeing Respectfully

Avoid: "I might be wrong, but I think maybe we should consider..."

Use Instead: "I see it differently. Here's my perspective..."

Claiming Credit

Avoid: "It was nothing really..." or deflecting praise entirely

Use Instead: "Thank you. I put significant effort into that project."

Making Requests

Avoid: "I hate to bother you, but if you have time, maybe you could..."

Use Instead: "I'd like your assistance with... When would be a good time?"

Daily Practice for Lasting Change

Transforming your verbal habits takes conscious effort and consistent practice. Try these strategies to incorporate more confident language into your everyday life:

1. The Mirror Exercise: Practice making direct statements without qualifiers while looking in the mirror.

2. Pause Before Speaking: Take a brief moment to mentally edit out undermining phrases before you speak.

3. Accountability Partner: Ask a trusted friend or colleague to gently point out when you use confidence-diminishing language.

4. Record Yourself: Use audio recordings of important conversations or presentations to identify patterns in your speech.

5. Daily Replacement Challenge: Focus on replacing one specific undermining phrase each week until it becomes natural.

Remember that confident language is not about being perfect or never expressing uncertainty when appropriate. Rather, it's about communicating in ways that accurately reflect your value, skills, and perspectives without unnecessary self-sabotage. As you practice these shifts in vocabulary, you'll likely notice not only changes in how others respond to you but also in how you perceive yourself.

The words we speak become the thoughts we believe. Choose yours with intention, and watch your confidence grow.